These Last Few Weeks...

As many of you know, I am leaving for Chad, Africa, in about three weeks. The past several weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life, but also some of the most growing. I have cried desperately to God for strength to accomplish a task I know I am unable to do; and I have felt His Abba's arms wrap around me more tightly than I ever thought possible. I have labored, faithlessly at times, over logistical details; and I have seen God provide wisdom and direction so clearly and unexpectedly that I feel I have experienced a miracle. And I know I have. =) Needless to say, there has been a LOT of stuff in my prayer journal the last few weeks, so I thought I'd just put in a little sample for you guys to read. Hopefully you can get a feel for the great, gracious, and merciful work God has been doing in my life. May He be glorified.

4-17
"I know who I am, and I know I'm not able
To stand on my own, I can't live on my own--
So I'm taking my hands, and I'm reaching them out,
And I fall down. Before You, I fall down."
~Jeremy Camp, "I Know Who I Am"

4-20
"Lord God, do You remember when I first decided to go to Africa? I decided to go because it was a chance for You to show me how powerful You are. I decided to go because it was impossible--and I know You are always glorified the most in impossible things. I wanted to see You high and lifted up as I never had before.

"Romans 4: 17-21:  'As it is written, "I have made you the father of many nations"--in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. In hope Abraham believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised.'

"God, do the impossible. I turn my eyes from these earthly goals and their obstacles, and lift them expectantly to the God in whom I believe, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. I release my grip on the things that are passing away, so I can lift my hands opened to receive a miracle from You. God, this trip to Africa is impossible. It's impossible for me to teach the students as I should. God, for love to flow out of this selfish and prideful heart is impossible. But today, I choose to love with abandon, because my source of love is not my own heart, but Yours. I choose to pray in faith, because I do not grasp my own human abilities, bound by human time, to work this miracle--I grasp my faithful, all-powerful Creator God. And I wait with expectation. Oh God, be glorified in my eyes today. Do the impossible."

5-10
"Today I read the story of Moses' call again, and I heard my own voice in his. His objections seem to come word-for-word from my lips: 'Why me? There are others more qualified.' 'I will fail. My message will be ineffective.' 'I am not well-spoken enough for this task.'
"But just when my cup seems to be completely emptied and shattered by the bleakness of my lack of faith, I hear Your voice in the words You spoke back to him. Lover of My Soul, my cup overflows with Your words of affirmation and commission: 'I will go with you.' 'I AM that I AM. My presence is enough because I AM everything.' 'Watch these miracles and believe how strong I am--believe that I am strong enough to fulfill My purposes in you.' 'I made you specifically as you are for a perfect and impossible purpose.'

"Psalm 18:1-'I love You, O LORD, my strength.'"