"One thing have I desired of the LORD, and that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple.
"For a day in Your house is better than a thousand."
~Psalm 27:4 and 84:10

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Puddles of Tears

Something I read this morning from David Platt's book, Radical, that echoes one of the greatest lessons I've learned this semester. Or maybe I should say one of the greatest lessons God has given me the desire to learn this semester. Totally not there yet. Lord, teach me to pray.

Puddles of Tears

Imagine all the blinds closed on the windows of a dimly lit room. Twenty leaders from different churches in the area sat in a circle on the floor with their Bibles open. Some of them had sweat on their foreheads after walking for miles to get there. Others were dirty from the dust in the villages from which they had set out on bikes early that morning.

They had gathered in secret. They had intentionally come to this place at different times throughout the morning so as not to draw attention to the meeting that was occurring. They lived  in a country in Asia where it is illegal for them to gather like this. If caught, they could lose their land, their jobs, their families, or their lives.

I listened as they began sharing stories of what God was doing in their churches. One man sat in the corner. He had a strong frame, and he served as the head of security, so to speak. Whenever a knock was heard at the door or a noise was made outside the window, everyone in the room would freeze in tension as this brother would go to make sure everything was okay. As he spoke, his tough appearance soon revealed a tender heart.

"Some of the people in my church have been pulled away by a cult," he said. This particular cult is known for kidnapping believers, taking them to isolated locations, and torturing them. Brothers and sisters having their tongues cut out of their mouths is not uncommon.

As he shared about the dangers his church members were facing, tears welled up in his eyes. "I am hurting," he said, "and I need God's grace to lead my church through these attacks." 

A woman on the other side of the room spoke up next. "Some of the members in my church were recently confronted by government officials." She continued, "They threatened their families, saying that if they did not stop gathering to study the Bible, they were going to lose everything they had." She asked for prayer, saying, "I need to know how to lead my church to follow Christ even when it costs them everything."

As I looked around the room, I saw that everyone was now in tears. The struggles expressed by this brother and sister were not isolated. They all looked at one another and said, "We need to pray." Immediately they went to their knees, and with their faces on the ground, they began to cry out to God. Their prayers were marked less by grandiose theological language and more by heart-felt praise and pleading.

" O God, thank you for loving us."
" O God, we need you."
"Jesus, we give out lives to you and for you."
"Jesus, we trust in you."

They audibly wept before God as one leader after another prayed. After about an hour, the room drew to a silence, and they rose from the floor. Humbled by what I had just been a part of, I saw puddles of tears in a circle around the room.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

These Last Few Weeks...

As many of you know, I am leaving for Chad, Africa, in about three weeks. The past several weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life, but also some of the most growing. I have cried desperately to God for strength to accomplish a task I know I am unable to do; and I have felt His Abba's arms wrap around me more tightly than I ever thought possible. I have labored, faithlessly at times, over logistical details; and I have seen God provide wisdom and direction so clearly and unexpectedly that I feel I have experienced a miracle. And I know I have. =) Needless to say, there has been a LOT of stuff in my prayer journal the last few weeks, so I thought I'd just put in a little sample for you guys to read. Hopefully you can get a feel for the great, gracious, and merciful work God has been doing in my life. May He be glorified.

4-17
"I know who I am, and I know I'm not able
To stand on my own, I can't live on my own--
So I'm taking my hands, and I'm reaching them out,
And I fall down. Before You, I fall down."
~Jeremy Camp, "I Know Who I Am"

4-20
"Lord God, do You remember when I first decided to go to Africa? I decided to go because it was a chance for You to show me how powerful You are. I decided to go because it was impossible--and I know You are always glorified the most in impossible things. I wanted to see You high and lifted up as I never had before.

"Romans 4: 17-21:  'As it is written, "I have made you the father of many nations"--in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. In hope Abraham believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised.'

"God, do the impossible. I turn my eyes from these earthly goals and their obstacles, and lift them expectantly to the God in whom I believe, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. I release my grip on the things that are passing away, so I can lift my hands opened to receive a miracle from You. God, this trip to Africa is impossible. It's impossible for me to teach the students as I should. God, for love to flow out of this selfish and prideful heart is impossible. But today, I choose to love with abandon, because my source of love is not my own heart, but Yours. I choose to pray in faith, because I do not grasp my own human abilities, bound by human time, to work this miracle--I grasp my faithful, all-powerful Creator God. And I wait with expectation. Oh God, be glorified in my eyes today. Do the impossible."

5-10
"Today I read the story of Moses' call again, and I heard my own voice in his. His objections seem to come word-for-word from my lips: 'Why me? There are others more qualified.' 'I will fail. My message will be ineffective.' 'I am not well-spoken enough for this task.'
"But just when my cup seems to be completely emptied and shattered by the bleakness of my lack of faith, I hear Your voice in the words You spoke back to him. Lover of My Soul, my cup overflows with Your words of affirmation and commission: 'I will go with you.' 'I AM that I AM. My presence is enough because I AM everything.' 'Watch these miracles and believe how strong I am--believe that I am strong enough to fulfill My purposes in you.' 'I made you specifically as you are for a perfect and impossible purpose.'

"Psalm 18:1-'I love You, O LORD, my strength.'"